The Hood of Mothering

by Sonata Kogan

Motherhood today is a very different ball game than it was fifty, thirty, and even twenty years ago. In fact, it is so different in some ways that the mothers’ of our parents and grandparent’s generations feel there is a tremendous gap between the way they mothered their children and the way we up coming mothers of the new millennium will be mothering our kids.
This month I am eight months pregnant and my baby will be arriving in approximately eight weeks. Of course my husband and I are thrilled and we cannot wait for this miraculous experience. However, my initiation in to this position known to the world as ‘Motherhood’ has been shocking, intense, annoying, and mostly always changing. To sum it up, that has become the definition of how I feel about becoming a mother. From the little experience I have had in the hood of mothering, I think it is always changing.
At first when my belly began to show enough so that people could tell I was pregnant, there was nothing more delightful than being asked if I was pregnant and how far along I was. And although I was pretty nauseous most of the time, I felt this tremendous amount of love seeping out from every corner of the universe reserved just for my husband, our tiny little baby, and myself.
Then at about five months in to my pregnancy people began to ask me about matters I felt were personal, people that I had never met before, like am I having a girl or a boy, and have we picked a name, how long am I going to continue to work, and my favorite one is: Are you excited? That one falls under the category of those bright comments people make like telling you to smile when you’re in deep thought, as though having a smile pasted on to you face is the only way to tell people that you are content on the inside.
So here I was half way through my pregnancy, and I suddenly felt myself talking nonstop about pregnancy and babies, and everyone and their grandmother began to give me advice. Including girlfriends whom I am sure have never read a book about babies and certainly do not have any, and do not plan to have any anytime soon. I sort of felt like my whole world was changing and as much as I felt physically better and the nausea had subsided, I realized one day that I was in BABY world and that it was going to stay this way for a while so I should just embrace it.
As the weeks progressed I began to read more about babies, and breast-feeding, and signed my husband and myself up for every class that the hospital has to offer. We went to Babies ‘R Us and registered for baby things, and I was convinced that the only reassurance I had whether or not I would do well at this parent stuff was to educate myself about everything to do with children.
What I didn’t realize is that I was subconsciously building a sort of weapon to protect myself and my ideas about motherhood and how I plan to raise my child. So that when those women from a different generation approach me and tell me their thoughts about breast-feeding, and how I am extremely lucky because my generation has things like disposable diapers and formula I can nod my head, smile, and be compassionate for them and the things they didn’t have. I do feel really lucky that today we can know the sex of the baby because of advanced technology. Although I am not sure how it makes this incredible adjustment any easier, even though everyone keeps telling me it does.
However, the biggest  gap between me and the generation of mothers that I am a part of; versus the mothers of the fifties, sixties, and up, is that we live in a different world. The world today involves computers, beauty pageants, baby modeling, child stars, designer clothes for infants, designer diaper bags, and Jeep strollers. Yet, while all of those things can be seen as good or bad, the good things that have changed for children are insurmountable.
Today both mothers and fathers are more or less involved in raising the child.
Fifty years ago fathers involvement of a child’s life was known to be quite minimal.  The mothers were involved in doing the primary care giving and the concept of postpartum depression was cured by smoking many, many cigarettes, often in front of the infant.
Of course all of these things were acceptable in that world, today it would send a parent in to questioning by the Department of Family Services in a jiffy. The world as a  whole seems to pay much closer attention to what is good for babies and whether or not you will be a good parent which is also quite different from the generations passed. After all it does take a village, only the dynamic of today’s village is a little different, it might have two moms or two dads.
I think that becoming a mother is the most important role I will ever play in this life. I know that it will change as my child grows and the definition of motherhood will also change as I grow. And fifty years from now I will be telling a young mother-to-be about my stories and we will compare the things that have been created making her life as a mother easier, changing the world in the process.
sonata@revistaelite.com